Progress

I think we (and by that I mean one of my friends) has found a home for Murph! I get to pick him up this morning, and while it's going to be torture to leave him 2 more times, it's also going to be wonderful to be able to see him two more times! Today I'm taking him to my friend's sisters place in Seattle. She's going to take care of him for a bit until I can get him over to Ellensburg where we're hoping and older retired couple who live on a farm will fall in love with him. If he can't be with me, I think this is a great alternative for him. He LOVES to be outside and chase things. :) The pass to get to the eastside has been bare and dry for such a long time, but of course today it's supposed to get 6-12". So... hopefully we can get him over there next weekend and he can start the next leg of this journey.

I keep telling myself that there MUST be a reason for all of this. Maybe there's another family who will really need him. Or maybe, just maybe, there could be another little stink joining our family this year and that just might be more than my poor sweet boy can bare. I'm trying very hard to have faith that there's a greater reason for all of this.

Ok, off to see my baby boy!

PS - have you ever had a song come on and at that moment you felt it was just for you? On my way home from running errands I was trying to find my CD with a song covered by Dave Matthews ("Woke up this morning, smiled at the risin sun. Three little birds, on my doorstep. Singing a sweet song, melody pure and true, singing this is a message for you. Don't worry bout a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright") I didn't find it, but last night I turned the TV to a kids station and it had been on for a while but we weren't paying attention to it. All of the sudden, that song was on. Of course - I started crying! I've been doing entirely too much of that lately. It needs to STOP!

Complete Misery

That's what the last 24 hours have been. Stella had been chasing Murphy around the house (which she loves to do and he hates) and he turned and nipped her. We took her to the Dr. to get it cleaned and got her on antibiotics. We were VERY lucky that it wasn't worse than it was.

But... this means we had to get rid of my dog. My first BABY. I know there aren't a lot of people who love their animals as passionately as I do, but I do. I adored that dog and the feeling was mutual. He was MY dog, MY pal. He followed me everywhere. When I was pregnant I had grand ideas of how much he'd love this little girl we were going to bring into the family. That never happened. He never got over the hurt and the jealousy.

So, first thing this morning my husband took him to the Humane Society. He has to stay in solitary confinement for 9 days and then they'll euthenize him. I can't breathe, I can't talk, I can't do anything but SOB. Yes, I know we had to do it but my heart is completely breaking. We have 8 days to find someone willing to take in a 9 1/2 year old dog who doesn't like other dogs and has nipped a young child. Doesn't sound too likely to me. I just keep thinking of how cold, lonely, confused, and scared he must be. I walk out of the bathroom and expect to see him laying by the door, I open the garage door and step back to let him come charging in, there are presents wrapped and waiting for him. I don't know what to do with all of this and I just can't stop crying.

I wish someone who's lonely could look past all of that and see the dog that I know and love so very much. He'd love nothing more than to have someone throw the ball for him, maybe go for a walk, and then snuggle on the couch. He isn't sick, he isn't old, and he isn't mean, this is just so unfair to everyone involved, but mostly my baby boy.

I pray that he can find some peace there and that he knows how in love with him I am. I don't even know how to be in this house without him.

I'm SO SO SO very sorry my baby boy!

Hiding

I'm hiding some old posts (and not writing a few) because my HS kids found out I have a blog and are on the hunt for it. I found it through google on my second search, so they'd find it eventually. So, for a while just pictures of my girl!

Posing by the tree.

Stella's choice!

Hours of entertainment.

I can't believe how much fun Stella is getting to be. She changes everyday and it's such a blessing to get to be a part of it! She's having a great day with her Dad today They went for a walk at the park, looked at plants, and watched the big kids play soccer. Right now, they're playing in their fort and telling each other stories. I love listening to them!

Here's a video that's about a month and a half old now, but still provides endless entertainment for Jim and I. (I laugh myself to tears!)

Cereal and frozen pizzas

If we have to eat cereal and frozen pizza for dinner every night because Stella wants me to hold her and snuggle her - so be it! I'm tired of trying to "teach" her that she can play on her own while I fix dinner after school. I told Jim that I'm just going to enjoy it and not worry about what I'm not getting done. He said, "yes, because someday you'd kill for this." He's right - it brings me to tears thinking that there will come a day when I can't hold her! So for now, dinners are going to be pretty pitiful and I'm ok with that. (She does get progressively better throughout the week. Mondays are ROUGH, Tuesdays better, and yesterday she was pretty happy running around for a while.)

How can I resist this face?
♥

My little Hot Tamale!

and my OCD buddy! It will be great when her organizational skills mature and it's helpful!

I wait all year for this!

We've been SO busy - it's tough to post with school and trying to get lots of quality time in with Stella. I really do love fall even if it means going back to school. I love the cool, crisp, foggy mornings, wearing sweaters, and baking. (pumpkin drop cookies are my ABSOLUTE favs although I made chocolate chip for Jim this morning.) Stella's new favorite fall thing is "hot cocoa". Hearing her say it is the cutest thing ever! It's also darling when she says, "thanks Mama" without prompting!

One thing I love about fall that I wait ALL YEAR for is my little pumpkin. I get smallish pumpkins from the store and carve it. I never used to bother with a face, I would just carve random shapes in it. This year I carved a happy little face for Stella. I rub the top with spices (cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg,...) and burn it on my kitchen counter. It's the most amazing smell throughout the entire house. They don't last terribly long, but I have 2 more here waiting when this one gets mushy!

I've been trying to do a little bit of decorating. I saw a blog post about using frosted glass spray-paint and knew it would be perfect for a cabinet in my bathroom but also thought it would be fun to try on other random things around the house. I haven't tried it yet, but on a similar note check out my Ross find! A darling apothecary jar with an "S" already etched in it! I found the pinecones with little pumpkins and gourds in it at Michaels and we had instant fall. I'd still like to do more, but at least I have a little bit of fall going for now.

As for my mood - things are getting better. We're finding our school groove (I still wish I had an extra day or two off a week though!)

Here she is with her "hot" cocoa. Too bad I can't get her to turn away from the movie to face the camera!

One

One week left to:

* snuggle after naps

* go to the park

* watch Yo Gabba Gabba while eating breakfast

* read to her for HOURS on end

* Toddler Gym and swimming at the YMCA

* running errands together while everyone else is at work

* go on field trips

* try to find something nutritious that may also be considered edible for lunch

* hang out in our pjs until 10

* call Daddy at work to check in

* get a lemonberry slush at Sonic

* sew/knit/read/clean during naptime

* sprinkler fun

* movies

* watch my girl talk, play, learn, and grow all day long

* just pal around

* did I mention snuggling after naps? I did? Can you tell that's one of my FAVORITE things?

I've been SO loving being a stay at home mom all summer. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. I really do enjoy working, I just always have bouts of anxiety before going back after a break. It's so hard to leave her after spending so much time together. I know that I have a GREAT job for a mom. I get to be home with her about 1/2 time if you count weekends/holidays/vacations - still... I miss her.

I know how much she loves all of the kids at Sheri's, and I know how good it is for her. It will be fine. It's always the anticipation that's the worst. I'd better end this before I wind up in full-blown tears!

"Baby baby you're the world to me."